CROISSANT CATASTROPHE

Yesterday was a shocker. I arrived at my local convenience store at 10.30am and found the croissant basket bare. I know, can you believe it? I immediately hauled the owner out to explain himself. Well, actually, I didn’t, I just wrote that to add a bit of melodrama, which some people without food issues may find sadly lacking here. I didn’t haul the owner out of anywhere because he was unpacking loo rolls right next to me.

There was a bit of ranting (me) and some frightened looks (him, other customers) before the owner explained that as only 30 croissants had been sold the previous Sunday they’d baked accordingly and had now run out. Fair enough, I said grudgingly, eyeing the crumpets. But then came the real shocker. At the end of each day, I was told, all food waste was chucked in the bin and doused with bleach to prevent “tramps” eating it. Apparently the only thing coming between the hungry homeless and a good square meal is a big sign warning “Not for human consumption”. I was so gob-smacked I momentarily forgot about the croissants. From what I could gather – he was keen to get back to his loo rolls – this policy is to protect the shop against libellous action should any vagrant get some nasty illness as a result of their bin foraging.

I was alarmed and appalled and it got me thinking. Growing up, I was always encouraged not to waste food. Unfortunately, this meant eating it. Faced with the last roast potato, even though I was full to bursting and knew a pudding was still to come, I’d wolf it down rather than go through the shame of letting it go to waste. Or maybe it was guilt? Perhaps I felt that uneaten potato was a slap in the face for my mum, who had lovingly cooked it. But I’m not blaming the parents. At a young age, I was acutely aware that there were children starving in Africa and somehow stuffing down food seemed fairer to them than scraping it into the bin (my misplaced solidarity resulted in a similar Biafran-style bloat).

Today, this topic still triggers a strong reaction. I feel a red-hot anger bubbling up inside me whenever someone tells me to “Go on, have it, it’ll only go to waste”. The anger is aimed as much at me as it is them. I know how pathetically easily tempted I can be. Before you can say sausage, that food will be gobbled up into the dumping ground that is my stomach. And then I’ll feel like a freak show. “Roll up, roll up, come and see Helen, the amazing human bin. See her indigestion-defying act while you can!” Truth is, when it comes to over-eating, I could really do without the encouragement.

I could also do with ending this blog on a positive, uplifting, empowering note. So here’s a fact: 8.3 million tonnes of food is thrown away by UK households every year but if we all stopped chucking our grub it would have the same carbon impact as taking 40% of cars off the road. You can check out how to do your bit at www.lovefoodhatewaste.com. As the campaign says, it’s not about eating more, it’s about wasting less. I’ll raise a croissant to that!